Help my Unbelief

I have tried to move on from this story of Jesus talking with the father about his son and the fact that the father said, “I believe, help my unbelief”

This has been a season of pain and anguish for me. My mind has been under assault over who I am and the destiny that God has planned for me. Pain, hurt and hopelessness were my constant companion for the past several months. I could not see around it, I could not see over it and I just wanted to run away and not look anybody in the eyes again. My shame over past experiences and the pain that was associated with it, made me think I was never going to be able to find God’s peaceful stream again. That He was done with me and I did not serve any further purpose for His Kingdom.

Like the father in the story of Mark 9. He had experienced pain and disappointment, he felt helpless to change his situation. Here was his son, suffering from seizures that his father could not do anything about. The father was tied to the son and unable to leave him alone, and based on what he had seen, he would be tied to him for his entire life. He suffered the loss of his son living normally. His wife/the boy’s mother is not mentioned…maybe she had died, or maybe she left, maybe she was at home and just couldn’t handle the situation as well.

Regardless, take a moment and try to feel the father’s pain and suffering and loss. When he told Jesus, “I believe, help my unbelief” I have come to realize that unbelief is not always about my doubts, but overcoming loss of hope.

In the pain of life and the disappointment of what happens to us and around us, it is easy for all these experiences to chip away at our hope. Once we have lost hope, it is more difficult to believe in a God that is all powerful and all loving and all knowing. It is easier to worship God and love Him when everything seems to be going great and feeling blessed and there is no strife. But what about the times when, ‘no weapon formed against you can prosper’ begin to be challenged. When it feels like every attack of the enemy finds its mark in your mind and heart and you don’t think you will ever recover.

I believe in a God, a savior, that is able to heal and deliver at a moments notice. He speaks a word and heals pain and torment and restores past moments with a new memory or maybe a reason why it happened. The past couple of months have caused me to see this father in Mark 9 in a new way. I believe God is able to heal me and take away my pain and anguish in a blink of an eye, but it is not always how He works.

It is interesting in the story, that the boy experiences a seizure while Jesus is talking to the father and Jesus continues the conversation. You would think that Jesus would have stopped the conversation and healed the boy then, but there was something about the father needing to feel the pain and anguish of the moment, the hopelessness and the fear needed to be there, He needed the father to be honest, so that Jesus could heal the boy and the fathers hope at the same time. Do not think for one second that Jesus was toying with the father or playing with his emotions, I believe Jesus did not want the father to miss that He wanted to heal his heart too.

The father brought his son to Jesus as a last resort, his last hope and Jesus just stood there talking while the boy was seizing. The father, faced with his pain, said Jesus, “I believe, help my unbelief”. He was really saying – Jesus, I believe you are able, help my pain and hurt and most of all, help my loss of hope…I’ve given up. It was at that moment of honesty from the father that Jesus delivered his son and restored him. The father received his son back whole, but he also received the healing from his pain and hopelessness that had enslaved him for many years. All because Jesus took His time to allow the father to feel.

We will all face a crisis of faith, one that brings us to face our pain, our shame, our hurt, our loss…all the things we have not allowed God to help us process. God is not cruel, He loves you more than you could ever know. He is trying to help you, not only to believe in Him, but He knows you have to process the pain and disappointment of this life to be able to believe in Him wholeheartedly. To believe in Him is to have your hope restored.

Jesus loves you, so much so, that he not only wants to heal your pain, He wants to talk to you about it. Be honest, be open, be willing to return to a place of pain so that He can talk to you there, and there is where hope is restored. Once it is , you don’t have to go back there ever again. It is a process, don’t stop short of healing. Don’t quit when the pain is unbearable, stay there until the Holy Spirit has come. When He delivers, you will know. Peace and rest will be yours, not just for a moment, but for lifetime.

Jesus is good, He came to set you free, He came to love you when you feel unlovable, He came to restore you as a child of God, He came to heal your broken heart and set your captive heart and mind free.

Do you believe, but have some loss of hope in an area(s) of your life. Do you feel the pain or shame of the past? Jesus is waiting…He may let you feel the darkness, but  believe me, the darkness WILL NOT overtake you.

Love to you all and Merry Christmas.